Life's Simple Treats: 2009

Life's Lessons by Marvicci G. Mendoza

1. Count your blessings without allowing yourself to be complacent. Between ungrateful and lazy, there is a difference.

2. The fact that one has much does not earn him the right to be self-righteous and insensitive; the fact that he has little does not earn him the right to be self-righteous and spiteful.

3. The predator you must most fear—and the victim you must least pity—is yourself.

4. Sometimes, it is easier to forgive a person for being wrong than for being right.

5. The most dangerous feeling in the world is entitlement. One must not ever allow himself—under any lucky circumstance and regardless of any lucky evidence—to feel entitled to any object, consequence, treatment or relationship he has not rightfully earned either through hard work or by virtue of the person he is.

6. The quality of a man’s life is a testament to his person. When you get yourself right, you get everything right.

7. One must learn to take the good with a little grace, the bad with a little hope, and the ugly with a little humor.

8. A question one must ask himself when speaking strongly on a subject is whether he can stand by his argument in court; when speaking strongly about another person, whether he can repeat it to an audience that includes the object of his opinion. A positive answer verifies the honesty of his intention.

9. Only you can complete your person. For this reason, one should not get into any relationship for the purpose of finding completion; one cannot give to another what he is unable to give to himself.

10. Only when a person is happy, content and confident about his place in the world can he afford to wish the same for everyone else. It is awfully difficult for a person to wish others well when he feels wronged or cheated.

11. When someone tells you he loves you, ask why. To be loved for no reason is a crime; it sends the wrong message that a person could be loved though he has done nothing to make himself loveable. To be loved for a reason—especially for virtue of the person you are—is a beautiful thing. It tells you—if you have taken care of your person, if you have strived to be good and fair—that you have succeeded.

12. Faith is not passive surrender to the tides of life; it is the belief that there is a God who watches above us all, who is fair, who likes to see us try, who appreciates the merit of a job well done. Let your faith enable you in all endeavors. Let your faith be the kind that believes in God, in the human spirit, in yourself. Wish not what you finitely want but what you infinitely desire—what is best for you, all things considered. Trust in what you can do, and trust that God overlooks no hard effort.

13. There is no shame in starting, and in starting over. Remember, however, to start always with a dream, and start over with certainty and purpose.

14. A person should make friends, lovers or enemies based on one ground only: principle. Seek people of your likeness on this account, and make age, gender, race, material wealth, social status or a person’s “normality” irrelevant.

15. Understand that the only force you can control is yourself.

16. In life there is human kindness, and human horror. Keep this in mind when you are out in the world. Have enough faith in human kindness to return an honest smile, and enough wariness of human horror to lock your front door.

17. Forever is a long time. When choosing relationships and occupations, choose who and what you really like, those that you will enjoy for the rest of your life.

18. There is nothing wrong with advertising sex for as long as one does not sell it, or give it arbitrarily.

19. Abuse often requires consent, whether explicitly given or silently suggested. You must learn to give what you hope to receive from others.

20. Surround yourself with people who care about you enough to be honest, yet care about you enough to be kind.

21. Sexy is a state of mind. It is that sense of worldliness about a man or a woman, the suggestion behind sparkling eyes and a sparkling laugh over a delicious secret just begging to be told... It is knowing your place in the world.

22. One must learn to triumph without apology and fail without excuse. To apologize for a triumph demeans the hard work that went into its achievement; to offer excuses for a failure dignifies it.

23. Choose your battles; you cannot win them all.

24. Identify your non-negotiables. A person may be unclear about what he wants, but he must know at all times what is unacceptable.

25. One must develop the habit of honest self-audits. He must start by identifying, through personal heroes, mentors or influences, his platinum standards—of character, personality and achievement—then regularly evaluate how he measures against them. Who you start as may be not be your fault, but who you become is your own doing.

26. Dare to be the exception. Be beautiful, intelligent, sexy, funny, successful and kind all at the same time and at stellar levels. Those who say it cannot be done are usually those who have tried and failed, but that is their story, not yours.

27. Each time you close your eyes, you are taken to a place where there is only you and God. Live your days in such a manner that when you are left alone with God, you do not have to avert your eyes.

28. Smile. Laugh. Kiss. Hug. Pray. Play. Work hard. Learn. Teach. Travel. Achieve. Dream. Hope. Love. Forgive. Flirt. Stay. Walk away. Commit. Have faith. Try. Share. Be single. Marry. Make babies. Raise kids. Party. Discover. Listen. Live.

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The Blind Man

The bible is full of stories about blind people... But perhaps, the one that amazed me was Bartimaeus... The blind man in last sunday's gospel.

According to Mark, Bartimaeus, when asked by Jesus, "What can I do for you?" answered straightforwardly, "Master, I want to see." (Mark 10:51)

I can just imagine the crowd's reaction to that request. Perhaps, most of them smirked at such an impossible statement. A blind man, asking a carpenter's son for his sight?! Impossible...

But there was Bartimaeus, unable to see for so long... Begging at the streets... Unloved... He just heard about Jesus. He has no image of him.. Probably, the things that he heard about him were just bits and pieces he had overheard from passerbys.. for who would ever give a blind man his time of day?... and yet, with all faith, he shouted for help despite rebuke frompeople around him..and asked Jesus of what most people consider as an impossible task. I can imagine how Jesus must have looked at him... with a smile and love lighting up his holy face as he told him, "Go, your faith has saved you."

That was what touched me the most about this gospel. The blind man and his unwavering faith. How I wish I could have even just a morsel of that faith. So my Jesus will look at me and say, " Go, your faith has saved you."

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Sparrows...

I haven't seen a real sparrow. I only read about them in my elementary books. But last night, I began to look at the word SPARROW in a whole new light.

I went home with a heavy heart last night. That afternoon, I received a letter from ONB that my proposal to reimburse them of the training expense I incurred in Makati in 24 monthly amortization was denied, and that they are giving me until end of November to settle. My failure to do so, will, accordingly, prompt them to take legal actions on that matter. I felt really scared about facing any legal suits. I'd rather be in a coffin than in a court room. Moreover, Ate Bing Gamboa who delivered the note told me that I should think twice about facing ONB in court because according to her, she knew of somebody who did the same and lost the case. She said I will never win in court against ONB. My heart sunk with that thought.

Many thoughts went through my head. I tried to think about many ways to get back to them. I cursed them silently... and yet, I ended up feeling a whole lot worst. I went to bed still with a heavy heart. I turned at my 4-month old daughter who was sleeping so soundly beside me and I thought about her future. I was overwhelmed with dread and there was restlessness inside me. I thought, I couldn't just give up on this battle. I have to fight for my daughter's sake. But no matter how hard I tried to think about ways to solve our financial distraught, I couldn't find any hope.

Then I said to myself, I will read IN HIS STEPS... Let's see what GOD has to tell about all my anxieties. I reached out for the booklet and turned it to October 16. The gospel was Luke 12: 1-7; Meanwhile, so many people were crowding together that they were trampling one another underfoot. He began to speak, first to his disciples, "Beware of the leaven - that is, the hypocrisy- of the Pharisees. There is nothing concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known. Therefore whatever you have said in the darkenss will be heard in the light, and what you have whispered behind closed doors will be proclaimed on the housetops. I tell you my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body but after that can do no more. I shall show you whom to fear. Be afraid of the one who after killing has the power to cast into Gehenna; yes, I tell you, be afraid of that one. Are not five sparrows sold for two small coins? Yet not one of them has escaped the notice of GOD. Even the hairs of your head have all been counted. Do not be afraid. You are worth more than many sparrows.

The last two sentences touched me so deeply I cried so hard. With a guilty heart I offered everything to my God... my anxieties, my doubts, my worries, my fears... our financial difficulties... And then, my good friend April's words came back to my head... Our God is doing the battle for us... We ought not to worry.

God has once again spoken to me assuringly. He has once again lovingly reminded me that He has not forsaken me. Nothing had escaped from Him. Nothing had gone unnoticed with Him. He knows and is with me in my trying times. He is with me everyday. I should only trust Him with all my heart, my soul, my mind, --- my whole being.

I will never read the term SPARROW without being reminded how much my GOD loves me. Indeed, I am worth more than many sparrows. I ought not to be afraid.

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Pause Office (it's actually POST OFFICE)...

I have a funny experience at the post office – parcel section this morning…Funny because I opted to look at it that way, although to be annoyed is the most understated reaction one should have if faced with that sort of situation.

Anyway, I went to claim a package from my friend who now lives in Japan. I only learned from that friend’s brother-in-law that my package has arrived last Saturday and in my mind, I was wondering, if Dadon hadn’t informed me, then how the hell would I know that the package has arrived?.. That was the nagging thought in my head even as I entered the gates of the post office.

When I got there, I told the man behind the grills that I was there to claim my package. I gave him my name and my passport for identification. He asked me if I received a text… I said no, and that I only knew that the package has arrived through my neighbor. When he saw my name on my passport, he looked as if he remembered something and said, “ Ah, hu u man gud imong gi-reply sa akong text. Wa nako ni reply nimu. “

I almost stared blankly at him with my head spinning for something comprehensible out of his statement. Almost because at that same instant, I remembered a few days back, someone texted me “ Naa na inyong ems” to which I replied, “May I know hus ds please?”.. and it hit me that it was him who sent me the message and he meant that the package has already arrived. I told him, “ Ay sorry sir, first time man gud nako ni… wala ko kasabot unsay ems.” And then he said. “ Ah first time diay nimu. Abi nako ug kabalo ka na.” …… I felt like laughing and at the same time felt like hitting his head real hard. How stupid can he get? But I opted to just stay cool about it and laugh it out. Then, as if rubbing salt on an already swollen wound, he told me that I had to pay P35.00 for now but in the future, when the Bureau of Customs personnel should be around, I will have to pay a higher amount because according to him, Customs will evaluate the contents of my parcel and charge me the corresponding tax. He said that he was explaining that to me now so that in the future, I will not be surprised anymore. He further quipped that since it was my first time to claim a parcel and the Customs personnel was absent due to tiredness, he will just charge me P35.00. Hah! I hope the Customs personnel will be absent for the rest of his life and that he will feel tired everyday so that the next time someone sends me a package, I will just have to pay P35.00.

I find the whole experience so frustrating but as I’ve said earlier, I opted to take the lighter side of the story. However, I just can’t help thinking about it. Hindi pala standard yung pangongolekta ng tax ng customs…You will only be required to pay the necessary tax if the custom personnel feels like reporting to work. Or if he needs money badly, I pressume.

I think that it is time to abolish the Post Office. Harsh but I think it will be better for the Filipino people. Think about it… Sending mails through the post office as against sending your mails through a private courier. You might pay for a higher amount with the latter (which is just around a few pesos compared to the charges of the Philippine Post Office) but out of that difference you get to enjoy security and assurance that your mail arrives to the rightful addressee in good condition at the perfect time. Sorry to say but you can never expect that from our local post office. People in this agency act as if they are taking all mails for granted. I was not able to join the second qualifying exam for Philippine Science High School because of the post office’s incompetence. My invitation to take that exam never reached me because it was sent through the post office.

I just wonder how many lives have been different if our post office personnel are more competent and concern about their job and the people they serve.

Maybe, if even just half of these personnel embody the dedicated attitude of a postman, as my elementary books pictured them to have, our nation would have been a whole lot better.

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My little girl... Aleeza Erelah...

with Piglet...
her second bestfriend...
--- I am her first... ;-)

---- Mommy Hera

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Thoughts: 8-11-2009: Humility and Childlike Faith...

Today there had been so much clerical work at the office…report consolidation, answering phone calls, booking airline tickets for everyone but myself, transmitting document, operating the fax machine, photocopying… the list was endless..

I felt exhausted.

And I pitied myself.

I am not really used to do those things. I used to order people to do things for me, not the other way around. As I placed the receiver back to its cradle after receiving yet another phone call, I couldn’t help but feel injustice at the thought that I can do/perform a task better than most of these people who order me around. It just so happened that I came in much later than they did in the organization.

If an ego is tangible and visible, people would see mine bruised and limp by that fact.

But the gospel today reminds me how God loves humility in us.

As Jesus said in Matthew 18:4, “Whoever humbles himself like this child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven.”

I know that the verse is an awakening call for me.

My misery was rooted in pride.

I thank God for reminding me, through the gospel reading that the turn of events in my life are opportunities for me to practice humility and childlike faith…

What a happy thought!

For truly, He loves me dear enough for Him to grant me this chance.

The human side of me might have ruled me early today. But my God has reminded me that I do not exist for myself but for His purpose.

Tomorrow, when I get back to doing the clerical works, I will be doing it with humility.

……And with childlike faith, I simply will worship my God for loving me the way He only can.

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DESIDERATA

Go placidly amid the noise and the haste,
and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender,
be on good terms with all persons.
Speak your truth quietly and clearly;
and listen to others,
even to the dull and the ignorant;
they too have their story.
Avoid loud and aggressive persons;
they are vexatious to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others,
you may become vain or bitter,
for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.
Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans.
Keep interested in your own career, however humble;
it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs,
for the world is full of trickery.
But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;
many persons strive for high ideals,
and everywhere life is full of heroism.
Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection.
Neither be cynical about love,
for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment,
it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years,
gracefully surrendering the things of youth.
Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune.
But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings.
Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline,
be gentle with yourself.
You are a child of the universe
no less than the trees and the stars;
you have a right to be here.
And whether or not it is clear to you,
no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God,
whatever you conceive Him to be.
And whatever your labors and aspirations,
in the noisy confusion of life,
keep peace in your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy.

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On Being a Mother...

A little over a month after giving birth to an adorable baby girl, I find myself in the midst of wet and soiled diapers, feeding bottles, and baby rattles. It's a wonder how such a small helpless angel can totally change one's life and priorities. When I learned that I was pregnant last October (2008), I busied myself reading pregnancy and child care books. And when Aleeza Erelah was born, I thought I was fully equipped with every armor a new mother can ever have. But I was wrong...

The books..yes, they provided me with basic information on child care and what one should expect... but they never really prepared me with motherhood... there was no description as to how a new mother feels when in the middle of the night, amidst her deep sleep, her baby cries and she has to get up, no matter how sleepy she is, so she could tend to her child's needs.... then there are the nappies... the wet and soiled nappies which need to be changed... and then breastmilk that seem too difficult to come by, no matter how eager she is to feed her baby with it... plus the discomfort of her perinium area and all other complications that come with child birth...the list is endless, I couldn't even count them...

With all these things, I came to fully realize how much my own mother had sacrificed and had gone through for me and my siblings. Every one of us has not the right to hurt our mothers... be it in words or actions... even if they haven't really been the perfect mother, the fact that they gave birth to us is reason enough to love and respect them with all that we have.

Nothing really comes close to the pain and joy of being a mother. I just wish all women who'd been through it come to realize God's purpose on why motherhood has to be this way.

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She's Here.... At last!

Mr. Roderick Nino B. Duka and Family: How sweet can that be?

June 8, 2009 12:38am: Meeting Aleeza Erelah for the very first time... Amazing!

A light moment with Mam Joy before the Big Push... She made it easier for us.

Breathing while in pain... it had helped a lot.

Motherhood seems to be easy...

But it isn't....

From a personal view...

It's simply,

Indescribable...

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My Bestfriend's Wedding: May 21, 2009

I met Sandy during my freshman year in college. She graduated on top of her class at the city highschool near our house and was renowned for her beauty and intelligence by winning numerous titles in beauty contests. Though I haven’t really seen her, I have heard so much about her from Nanay who was then working as a helper at a family friend’s carenderia near the city high school.

The first time I really set my eyes on her was during enrollment. I was with Alex and we were inside the Registrar’s office which was so crowded with students trying to outrun each other in submitting the enrollment documents to the already annoyed registrar. I could not forget what she wore that day… How can I? I was expecting a stunning girl in minis and a body fit dress complete with girly accessories and chic handbag.... Instead, she was wearing a red baggy shirt, blue jeans and slip-ons for footwear. Her hair, which fell way pass her shoulders was carelessly let loose. She was quietly looking over her enrollment papers as if checking if she’d missed out on something. I was surprised really, when Alex told me who she was. Why, she was dressed exactly the way every ordinary MSUan was dressed that day. I instantly like her.

Liking her led to befriending her. We were classmates in most of our subjects (actually, except PE) because we were both taking up the same course and we both belong to the scholars society of the university. Four years in college held such wonderful memories of friendship with her… that include overnights at the beach, sleepovers at each other’s house, lunch with our group at the university cafeteria, exchanging answers during our Business law final exams, coming up with concepts for retailing and marketing 101 classes, OJT at Coke Davao, meeting the guys of our dreams who later on broke our hearts, and a whole lot more… it’s an endless list, really. And all of them brought us closer together.

Graduation Day didn’t end our friendship. Although she had to stay in Manila for awhile for her career and I in Kidapawan, we had always kept in touch. Thanks to modern day chat and email technology. We’ve managed to update each other with the going-ons of our lives, careers, love interests, etc..

And yesterday was her Wedding Day. The day she told me about it five months ago, I was

completely taken by surprise. It wasn’t that the idea of her getting married with her long time beau, Elmer, didn’t cross my mind. It was just that I never really thought it was going to be this year. Well, for one, she’s doing well with her chosen career. Also, she’s into so much traveling that I thought she’s not really into tying the knot for now. I thought she was not ready to give up her independence just yet. I was completely wrong.

Well, when she told me about it, though I was surprised, I was really happy and excited about her wedding. In my mind, I was gonna do everything so that her wedding will be perfect. All through out the preparation period, all of us were very excited. We couldn’t wait for her W-day. But three days before the main event, the realization finally dawned on me. I was gonna lose her. Not really all of her… but some… I wonder if she also felt this way about my own wedding day 17 months ago… Did she feel sad about my tying the knot with Boboy? Did she ever feel a great sense of loss and a deep feeling of loneliness with the realization that soon, I will be completely engross with my husband…my children… just like what I felt and is feeling even now. I have been so used to having her around. Free to meet me anytime for coffee, window shopping, etc. Did she feel a bit indifferent towards Boboy? For he has somehow, taken me away from her… Or is it just I who feels this way because personality-wise, I am the jealous and possessive type between the two of us?

I sound so selfish. After all, it was I who first chose to tie-myself with the bond of marriage. The first between us to let go of my precious independence all in the name of love. So why even think about being sad about my bestfriend’s pursuit of her own happiness?

The wedding day is now over. I’ve witnessed her said her vows of lasting love to the man she had chosen to spend the rest of her life with. Despite the ache in my heart, I am happy for her. Finally, she will experience the joys of married life--- which to me are incomparable and fulfilling. She is now a wife. A role which may sound so simple, but in truth so profound.

I will surely miss our late night talks. Our coffee-dates… Our window-shopping… shoe-fitting… It’s not that we will no longer do them together at all.. but those times will be reduced to rare occasions, particularly since sooner or later, she will be moving to Singapore where she and Elmer had decided to start their life together as husband and wife. What a sad thought. However, I have chosen to just focus on the brighter side of this situation….. and one of that is: There’s one very good reason for me to visit Singapore in the future!

CIAO, Tats! I’ll be truly missing you.

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Parents-To-Be

We will be parents to Aleeza Erelah soon enough...

It feels great...and scary...

But God is good.

We will not be alone in molding Aleeza into the person God designed her to be...

So Help Us GOD.

Boboy and Hera

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Failure: Life's Treat, As Well...

After about a month of waiting for the supervisory exam results, it finally came, And I didn’t make it. I felt disappointed about it. Initially. My bruised ego is demanding for an explanation. From whom, I cannot fathom. But I love myself enough to ever switch my psychological state into "Depression Mode". Deep in my heart, I’ve longed-known --- and may even subsconciously hoped and prayed for exactly this negative result.

My move from ONB to DBP was not entirely because of ONB’s rotting leadership and policies. Well, that was just a part of the many reasons, in fact. I was not entirely lying when I told them that I was moving out because of my family--- particularly my baby. After taking the supervisory exam, I tried to weigh things over and out of that I realized that a positive result would mean complications into my now stress-free and a whole lot less complicated life.

Going to Manila for a one-year supervisory training would mean uprooting (again) Boboy and totally modifying our already-made up plans of settling in Gensan. Of course I’ll have to bring Baby Aleeza with me too. I cannot bear the thought of being away from her. So, who’s gonna take care of her when I’m off to the training center? Boboy cannot possibly handle that all by himself. And I cannot, for the life of me, imagine bringing both my parents with us in Manila… They will not like it there. And even if they will pretend to, I’d see right through them. No, I cannot bear thinking of them doing all the sacrifices for the sake of my career ambitions. Plus the expenses of living in Metropolitan Manila. I have been there several occasions and if it weren’t for company subsidies, I would have starved. Everything there is either for sale or for rent. Nothing’s for free except for noodles and beverage samples in the malls.. and they are not on a permanent basis. And then there are the credit card bills… The list is endless.

Being the positive thinker that I am, however, I know that there are always ways to make both ends meet. But thinking of Aleeza, I couldn’t just take the risk. Though I’d be a hypocrite if I’d say I didn’t consider it. But in the end, there’s always that nagging feeling that such an opportunity is not really for me. In my heart, I have fully understood and have accepted that a long time ago ---even before I have taken the exam. But my ego just isn’t used to fail and it has refused to accept that I am no longer the feisty-risk-taker it had lived with for so long.

I have had my share of disappointments and frustrations in both my personal and professional life. And each one contributed much to who I am and how I think today. There isn’t a single failure that led me to something I didn’t appreciate after awhile. All of them made me a better person in every aspect.

I believe that everything life has to offer is truly a treat.

Failure and success, all the same.

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It's Fly-Day...

So here it is... The final day at ONB.
I feel a mixture of emotions...
Finally, I'll be out of here...
I can finally move on and forget all the hurts and pains that have been haunting me for several months... - almost a year to count it exactly...
I'll be moving into an entirely different workplace...
Well, entirely might be overstating it...
But it will be far from here...
Far from this company that had hurt me...
Had disappointed me...
The institution that shattered my dreams into pieces...
This one that changed my life and toppled my smooth-sailing vessel called life...
I wish I could be completely happy about leaving...
After all that had happened to me...
After all the emotional instability this company had caused me...
I ought to be happy...
But I cannot be...
Leaving is such a hard thing to do...
Especially if it means, leaving behind people you have learned to care about...
People who have made it easier for you during those down-times...
People who have made happy-days a thousand times more fun...
People you considered not just mere officemates/colleagues...
But people whom you consider your FRIENDS...Confidante... Teacher... Sister...
They make it really difficult to leave...

But this is it.
There's no turning back...
Or God will be completely confused...
"Sigh"....

Farewell, my friends.
Until we see each other again...

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A Friend's Farewell.... (this made me teary eyed...)

March 20, 2009
6:00am
Gi type nako sa Cellphone
9:00am
Gi re Type nako (hahaha)

Ashti…

It was a friendship deeply rooted in our hearts.

It was a travel we both enjoyed.
We were sailing on a vast ocean, it was really calm, it was serene
There was peace and serenity then… : ) (remember these words ha).
We were both sailing smoothly.
Suddenly, we did not expect it to happen.
The wind got strong, good enough to topple down the boat
We crashed and burned…
Then, the boat was torn apart.
We went on our separate ways…
Ashti, Don’t be sad….
It was a travel we both enjoyed.

It never came up as a surprise for me, but I was happy then with what you have decided since you will be happier in your new job. You will be near to nanay, tatay, boboy, your siblings and most of all to baby girl.

Here we go….
For all the buckets of tears shed, for all the bubbles of laughter burst, sure thing… I can’t forget you. Ashti I can’t thank you enough for being my mentor and friend. It was a great journey being with you. You made me laugh, you help me cry, you sympathize with me, and you listen to my endless chatter.

For me the whole experience for three whole years being in BBG was fun because it composed of 99% friendship and 1% work…. Nice percentage though, hahaha…. For now, I can’t think about work because our friendship outweighs it.

Ashti, as I told you before, you’re a sister that I do not have. I think you’re my ¾ sister… hahaha… I love you so much ging, YOU are SO ME in every way. Murag kung ikaw akong kauban DE JAVU tanan. Hahaha… Naa lang kay advantage sa ako kay CUM Laude ka, ako kay sister sa CUM LAUDE hahaha…

Ashti I don’t want to end this letter, kasi po I know this is Goodbye… Pero see you around ha… : )

I will always treasure the chats we have. Our childish ways. Our naughty talks. Our famous books and movies as well.

I will give you paradise in a gold platter, anything you want, everything you want, I come with it of course it’s a package deal… hahaha… gogogo Matthew & Meredith…

I’d rather die a thousand death than to see my mother’s dress in that spoiled, selfish cow…. Hahaha… gogogo EVER AFTER Drew Barrymore… hahaha

Just remember my famous lines ashti ha…

I hope years from now, when we grow older and wiser, let’s have coffee and muse over the past and laugh our hearts out. By then we can still have the buckets of tears to shed and bubbles of laughters to burst.

I learned so much from you. Thank you so much. I love you, sister. God bless you, Boboy and Aleeza. God bless your plans.

April Ann

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Scared...

Boboy and I are facing the biggest challenges in our lives right now...
I am about to embark on a new job that will be paying me less of what I am receiving for the next six months...
It's the lean season for his business...
Credit card bills are piling up...
I have to pay up a training contract... a Salary Loan balance...
We're going to have a baby in three months...

I don't know what to do...
What to think...
Was this a wrong decision after all?...
I don't know...
Is this a test?...
Maybe...

I'm scared about the future...
What lies ahead for us...
It seems that I could not find light up ahead...
The bright streetlights that I used to see are slowly dimming as the days go by...

Lord, only you can help us now...
You are real, no matter what I feel...
Please do not forsake us...
Amen.

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The Subic Experience...

The trip to subic was quite long.

There weren't much to see along the express way except for vacant land, rice farms, and bridges.

The vastness of it made me think about the homeless people of the metropolitan.

Those who had no choice but to stay in small dilapidated shacks along the river banks...

There's just too much land to accomodate them in there...

We reached Subic an hour before lunch.

It was another long trip towards the Ocean Adventure Park.

We passed through a long stretch of tree-lined highway.

And about a couple of times, a monkey crossed our path.

They said monkeys are free to roam around the area.

It was amazing. I was so used to seeing monkeys tied to trees.

We had our quick lunch at the parking area of the Ocean Adventure Park.

It was a sumptuous lunch of Pork and Chicken Adobo, Kinilaw, and Rice. Yum!

The Entrance fee to the park cost us P450 each.

We get to see the American Sea Lion Show first.

The stars were Brandy and Madison.

Two female Sea Lions who were senior members of the Marine Patrol.

It was an entertaining show. The Sea Lions were great!

Then, the Dolphin Show.

It was just awesome.

I wish I could go back there and experience swimming with the gentle giants of the sea.

I especially like the part when both the dolphin and its trainer made a perfect dive into the sea.

I hope Aleeza Erelah will be able to experience the thrill that I felt on that day.

I pray that her daddy and I will be able to provide for her the opportunity to see this really wonderful show...

I pray that she will find friends like mine, whom she will really enjoy going out with.

After the Dolphin Show, we lingered for awhile then we went to the Zoobic Park.
There we saw several kinds of animals... Tigers, Camels, Bear Cats, Ostrich, Rodents, Monkeys, and many more...

Part of the trail we followed were the animal museum, tiger safari, croco park, and the aeta village...

The main attraction were the Tigers...

There were several of them...

The Tiger Safari was quite disappointing, though.

Entrance fee was at P395 each plus P50 per head if one chooses to ride the train-coaster around the park.

The Zoobic PArk Tour took us about a couple of hours...

We went to Duty Free after that.

We had our dinner at the Boardwalk (it's a park along the shores of Subic).

Then we headed back to Manila.

It was a silent dark trip... Well, until that last toll gate anyway...

Please read the Friendship Report link of this page so you will know what happened. ;-)

Well, all in all, the Subic Trip was another unforgettable experience.

A lot came out of that trip...

Several Bloopers. Lots of lost-in-Manila moments. Textmate...New taglines...

And most of all, a stronger bond among individuals who have chosen to keep the friendship all through the years...

Aaahh...Truly, life offers so many simple yet amazing treats...

One of them --- FRIENDS.

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When God Made You - by Natalie Grant

It's always been a mystery to me

How two hearts can come together

And love can last forever

But now that I have found you, I believe

That a miracle has come

When God sends the perfect one

Now gone are all my questions about why

And I've never been so sure of anything in my life

Chorus:

I wonder what God was thinking

When He created youI wonder if He knew everything I would need

Because He made all my dreams come true

When God made you

He must have been thinking about me

I promise that wherever you may go

Wherever life may lead you

With all my heart I'll be there too

From this moment on I want you to know

I'll let nothing come between us

I'll love what ever you love

Chorus:

He made the sun

He made the moonto harmonise in perfect tune
One can't move without the other

They just have to be together

And that is why I know it's true

You're for me and I'm for you

Cause my world just can't be right

Without you in my life

I wonder what God was thinking

When He created you

I wonder if He knew everything I would need

Because He made all my dreams come true

He must have heard every prayer I've been praying

Yes, He knew everything I would need

When God made you

When dreams come true

When God made you

He must have been thinking about me

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Just Sharing...

Fr. Rogie's Homily during our wedding.

"Make Jesus Christ the center of your married life."

He also taught us what CHRIST stands for.

C - Communication

H - Humility

R - Respect

I - Intimacy

S - Sacrifice

T - Thanksgiving

So help us GOD.

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My BEH-loved...

ilusm,beh.

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My Bestfriend's Wedding

I must admit it was a surprise when Sandy broke the news about her tying the knot with her longtime beau --Elmer, this May. I wasn't counting on it, actually. I thought it was Bechay or someone else in the group first... not her...

She seemed to be having so much fun about being single so that it was hard to imagine her giving up a great degree of her independence. Well, LOVE can really do wonders, huh?!...

But despite my surprise, I feel very delighted when she told me about it. Not to mention, very excited. For one thing, I've been through the wedding preparations myself and although it wasn't all a bed of roses, the wonder of it all will outweigh the nails, anyway.

I love weddings. And this one is a whole lot special because it's going to be Sandy's. My bestfriend... My other half....

So, here's a glimpse of what I "might" wear on that very special day... "might" because... who knows, I might change my mind... TA-DAH!!!!! ;-)

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Thoughts of a Disillusioned Spirit

Written 02.12.2009

It’s been awhile since he was forced to retire from this bank. Eleven months to count it. A lot has changed since then. Table of organization, people in-charge, policies, even our office layout. The once most work-conducive area in the head office has turned into the worst place to work ever. Steel cabinets are everywhere. The ornamental plants that used to beautify and provide fresh oxygen inside the room were dispatched. Constant chatter and frequent unnecessary conversation and laughter have replaced the professional silence and comfortable hum-drum. Computer screens plastered with personal photos instead of the bank’s official wallpaper are a common sight. The room is jam-packed with chairs and personnel it is oftentimes hard to breathe and move around. People in the office don’t mind being late anymore. Punctuality is not on top of their priorities because after all, the heads don’t care. They themselves are often late during management meetings. You always have the chance to get promoted now even if you don’t really perform well… The important thing is that you have gone a long way being loyal to your boss. That’s the way things are now. What a pathetic thought!

I miss the old days. Though I must admit, it wasn’t all a bed of roses. I had my own struggles during those times. But those struggles had yielded very positive results. I have learned to be passionate about my job… giving it my best without thinking of the rewards because I know that he will take care of that for me. I know that he has, not only my but all of us, his subordinates’ (Regardless of whether or not we are on his side or not) best interests in mind. Back then, I was not afraid to admit my mistakes or errors because I know that he will be broadminded enough to listen to my side of the story. Most importantly, I know that to him, telling the truth is more important than committing the error – and I am assured that I would not be judged according to my mistakes. He had always been generous with second chances. With him, benefit of the doubt is not a scarcity.

With his leadership, I have learned to let go of mediocrity at almost everything. I have learned to let go of my reactive habit. Instead, he taught me how to be proactive. I have also learned to embrace brevity without sacrificing clarity. It saves precious time, he said.

I miss the morning lectures he would make, whenever his schedule permits. His couple-of-minute words of wisdom could extend up to 10 depending on his mood. Those lectures, long they oftentimes were, were inspiring. They never failed to motivate me. They were like raindrops on dry grounds. I guess because they were spoken with conviction and confidence. They were relayed in such a way that the listeners will never doubt that he believes them himself. I also miss his reprimands. He made them without being offensive. I wonder how he did it.

But what I miss most is those times when he would enter or leave our office with a bright genuine smile and a warm greeting or farewell for everyone. And those times when he would suddenly join in our friendly-office-chatter. He would kid everyone about something and I could feel everyone brightening up. He had his way of breaking down the wall between superior and subordinate without losing the respect he had gained from everyone of us. He was more than just our leader. He was also our mentor, our defender, and most of all, our friend.

It is disheartening to think that he was dropped off like a hot potato by the very own company that he taught us to love and give our best to. This very own company that he had given his time, effort, passion, and a great deal of himself to, did not even give him any good reason why he was treated that way. The way things went disillusioned me. How could this bank, who claims to ensure wholistic development of its human resources as part of its mission, do such an unthinkable thing to the person who had done so much for its progress and development? Maybe it happens to other banks and companies. But I thought this bank was different. I thought it has a heart. Maybe I am just too naïve about the corporate world. Maybe there are a whole lot more I should learn. Maybe, all of them don’t really have a heart, even if they think and say they do.

His office still looks the same, anyway. The same round table. The same books. The same bookshelf. But those were just that. Nothing else is ever the same. Not the person occupying it now. Not the scent of the room. Not the aura it emanates each time you enter it. Not the decisions coming out of it. Not the policies being developed inside it. No. Nothing else is ever the same at all…

….Not even me.

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An Ode For Mama: Dedicated to the Late Salome Duka

By: Bim Duka 05.03.2006
Posted without Permission by yours truly...

A wise old proverb said that God created mothers because He could not be everywhere.
And knowing Mama, I have to believe that the proverb is true.

If there was a blessing that came to us from above
There’s never been any question…

- from our first attempts at walking on through every step of the way-

…what it was.

If there was a gift that God gave to our family
There’s never been any doubt

- from the first smile on our faces when we see the radiant beauty of our mother-

…what it was.

My siblings and I often talked about your selflessness.
You were so committed of being a mother to us, that we think that the most difficult commitment to pursue as more often than not, for it requires much more giving than receiving.
The rewards of this commitment seem to be so very few,
And the demands so very great.

Oftentimes, my siblings and I were so caught up in our own lives that we fail to realize that we were never always in any emotion.
For each moment of joy we experienced, there was your laughter that heavens may have heard as your way of thanking God for the blessings He has given to us, your children.

Behind each tear shed and each hurt felt,
There is a silent tear and a silent hurt deep inside your heart.

I can still vividly recall your comforting presence,
And the words you said.

It’s strange that these silent emotions were never readily apparent.
But they were always behind your words of encouragement, wisdom, understanding, and faith
That there will be a better tomorrow awaiting for me.

Mother, we also have silent emotions, but every success we have in life we offer to you and papa.
You will always be with us,
To all the people who love you
The memories will always be there
But your true legacies in this world
Are the good things you have done
And us your children….

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Sentiments of a 25-year old Single...

I wrote this last May 25, 2005: I find this very amusing... ;-)

What is it about being 25 and being single (not even a single suitor) that makes people (especially elder relatives like titas and titos you haven’t seen for ages) turn to you and say, WHAT? Baka masyadong mataas ang standards mo?!. Duh? As if I have standards! Honestly, it’s crazy why people seem to think that being 25 and not having a boyfriend is a sign of spinstership. Married and attached officemates usually give us the look of pure concern and, (goodness, I hope I’m mistaken) is it pity, each time we, the singles and unattached would group together. They’d tell us to stop huddling together like little chicks and start socializing with other people outside of our circle because according to them, going out on an all-single-female date most of the time will do us no good. But is it really? I mean, since I started working with my present employer, I’ve always been in the company of girls and I never ever (not a single minute) found myself bored with the company. For the last three years that we girls had been together, we’ve talked about the same thing. (gosh! Would you ever guess what?!) LOVE & RELATIONSHIPS…that’s what we always end up talking about when we get together….but even if the topic had been around for ages, we never got tired of it. The conversation is always interesting and mind you, we even could stay up until the wee hours just sharing insights and opinions. What is it about LOVE that makes composer come up with billions of love songs and makes poets compose trillions of phrases? What is it about love that makes people cry and do crazy stuff just for the sake of a loved-one? I haven’t figured it out yet. I’m 25 and yet it’s still a mystery to me. I’ve been inlove. I’ve been hurt. I’ve been happy. I have cried. And yet,…whatever!!! ;-)

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Just Being Melodramatic...written June 4, 2008

Boboy misplaced the van’s registration papers.
One of the many…
He almost always misplaced things.
Insignificant – sometimes important – things.
From flashlights…MP3 players…CDs… Cable wires…
To his car keys… his favorite shirt… even his briefs…

And well, who’s there to ask of their whereabouts?...
Though sometimes it’s annoying, most of the time, it is amusing.
And it makes me feel like a wife.
You are a wife… I heard that….
But you see, we don’t live together everyday. Economics dictate it.
We do try to see each other and be together as often as we could.
Sometimes, I wish I’m an heiress to a multi national company... . Or just plain wealthy…
So I don’t have to work my butt off and just play wife to him.
Cook for him…run his household,,,, listen to his stories… tell him about my day and watch him make faces each time I say something outrageous or childish…
Hear him laugh…See him smile…
Just be there to snap him out of his thoughts.
He sometimes lapse into silence--- staring up to nowhere… as if in deep thoughts…
Oftentimes it hurts… especially at times when I’m into my litany of stories ---and he just sits there as if I’m invisible.

It felt good to know that my officemates’ husbands also have their lapse – into – silence moments… (the advantage of lunch break chika sessions)

Tonight he’s not here…
And the bed seems to be too large for me.
The room too big…there seem to be a lot of space here for one.
And the pillows! --- they are all over the bed.
I miss him now. I wish he’s here…

It’s raining outside...
I wish I could open the sliding doors wide enough to let the cold wind in… but I’m scared something might get in – a beetle bug or a frog, perhaps - and Boboy’s not here to take care of it.
And it looks like a downpour out there…I might get the bed wet…

Hah! The rain is over…
And so does this melodrama… I got to sleep.
I love you ,beh.

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Work Sentiments: Written on May 27, 2005

It's 2:30 in the afternoon, and here I am sitting infront of a computer screen, trying to figure out what to do so that I could find the motivation to finish everything before my June 3 deadline... I wonder where the loads of motivation I had in me when I started to work with this bank went. I could still remember that time when waking up in the morning didn't need to be exerted with so much effort because as I open my eyes and get out of bed, I could feel enthusiasm and excitement surge through my veins at the thought of meeting old and new clients, interacting with officemates, coming up with reports, and gaining new experiences.

After three years however, the enthusiasm and excitement started to ebb away and discontentment and boredome suddenly sprouted out of nowhere so that waking up in the morning becomes a nightmare. Punctuality at work is at the least of my priorities right now, so is productivity. These days, I often find myself uselessly lingering on my seat staring blankly at a flickering cursor with open folders splayed carelessly on my desk (just to make it look lie I am very very busy). If not, I'd be listlessly roaming around the office hopping from desk to desk looking at what my officemates are doing and engaging them in idle conversations with topics ranging from the latest Korean Novela on TV to the latest items on sale at the mall. Or you could find me at the pantry drinking coffee or eating anything edible just to keep myself awake for the rest of the day.

I often ask myself whether or not my colleagues have noticed my unproductive stay inside the office. Are they aware that the whole time I am seated on my swivel chair right now, I am just writing this article to stimulate my mind and prevent adding another unproductive working day in my life when I get out of the building later today? Would my boss ever believe that despite my on-time call reports and seemingly busy schedule, I am actually doing nothing most of the time and he could easily find it out if only he'd find the time to check on me? But he seems to trust me enough and I feel so rotten for being this way lately. It isn't that I have a daily routine with my current job. In fact, this is one of the most coveted positions in the organizational chart because it involves traveling, working with upper level management, interacting with businessmen, and being expose to several business opportunities all the time. And yet, I couldn't get any motivation from those thoughts. All I keep thinking is the hope of getting hired by one of those companies’ I submitted my application documents for the last four weeks. I also couldn’t eradicate what my college professor told me when I paid him a visit just the other week. He told me that the most pathetic thing that could ever happen to an employee is finding himself stuck in a job that he is not happy with. That just hit me bulls’ eye. I gave him a smile as I nodded in agreement to what he said, and deep in my heart, I felt myself die with the realization that I am indeed that pathetic.

I am trying to figure out why I am feeling this way lately. So I’m gonna try looking at the benefits first. The company offers a lot of these, mind you. It provides medical coverage, insurances, vacation and sick leaves with pay, spiritual and physical programs, traveling and relocation allowances, profit sharing and bonuses, even career enhancement seminars and workshops. But don’t talk about the salary, alright? I could barely take it when I think about the fact that I have been with the company for three years and two months and yet I am earning just P500.00 more than my friend who’d just finished her 6-months probationary period with her current employer (oh, please don’t count her overtime fees…). Not to mention the bruises on my ego each time I meet with my high school friends and the topic would shift to earnings and income.

But I couldn’t convince myself that this salary issue is the main reason why I feel so unmotivated and discontented with my job. Nope, it couldn’t be the main reason because right from the very start, I was already informed of that fact. I wasn’t gonna earn big and yet I accepted the offer. Was it because back then, I didn’t give a damn about financial issues? Or was it because prices of goods and the fare then weren’t as high as they are now? Was it because my young mind was then pre-occupied with what I can do for the company and the thrill of applying everything I have learned from the academe so that reality had escaped me? Hmm, I don’t know. All I know is that back then I was happy and fully satisfied with what was credited to my account every 15th and 30th of the month. Every morning, when I enter the office, I always had this genuine smile on my face because I always see the same on my officemates’ faces.

But not lately…which brings me to the next thing I must explore. My office environment and the people I am constantly interacting with---my officemates. What could I say about them? Most of us are single young people with a gist for life and fun. And believe it or not, we are totally in the same state at the moment. Just lately, I couldn’t remember a day when not a single soul would come to me and groan about being bored and tired of doing the same thing over and over again. Then there are issues about how good it was before when the loan portfolio wasn’t too big and the number of customers was just a handful. Plus the issue on not being compensated well, how badly the implementation of policies within the bank is these days, and how in the world could the immediate superior be so less knowledgeable about certain procedures when in fact she is the officer. The litany would go on and on and at the end of the day, I would go home with discontentment lingering in my heart and mind. We are a bunch of twenty-something people who are subjected to the realities of employment life. I am beginning to believe that indeed, some good things never last (and so the song goes). Just as I have gotten the hang out of my job, these people I work with also had their share of it and now, at the same moment of our lives, the deadliest venom of employment life is about to poison us all.

What a sad fate. My four years at the academe never mentioned anything about this. Not even a thing close to this. I’ve always thought that praying for a job was enough. But only now did I realize the importance of praying not only for a job but everything that comes with it. Salary, benefits, workmates, workplace, nature of the job, even the job schedule itself because in the end, having a job is not at all everything. It’s just icing on the cake. There are a lot more to consider than just getting yourself hired.

Three of my officemates have already submitted their resignation letters to the HR department and two weeks from now, this office will be three persons short in numbers, which means, a big increase in the loads of those who will be left, is something we should look forward to (argh! Oh please!)....

Note: Never got around to finishing this article... Thank God, my boss (former boss, i mean) got me out of that hellhole (spelled: Assigned me a different function & gave me a good performance evaluation rating and got me promoted) in time. .. ;-)

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