Today, my brother Aris' break from the seminary ended. As what had been going on for the last five years, he came and then after three weeks, he leaves. It has become a cycle for the family. But it's quite difficult to explain why I never get used to it. I guess nobody does. Not for my family.

I always feel melodramatic when he leaves. Each year, as I see him hug everyone and say his goodbyes, there's this prick in my heart that never seem to fade away with the years. I wonder why. Maybe it's the loneliness that comes when I get home after work today, knowing that his round happy face wouldn't be there to greet me. The sound of his laughter no longer echoing, and etc.

This time, I couldn't help but think about my own children in the future. When Alee leaves for medical school and Noah goes for his dreams. I wonder if it would be the same pain. The same prick in my heart. The same loneliness. I wonder if I could bear it, just like my parents did.

Leaving is something that I have always viewed as advantageous to the one who's doing it... and a disadvantage to those who are left behind. If you're leaving, you always have something to look forward to. A whole new world to explore. New opportunities to uncover and sail upon. But if you're left behind, you only have memories and wishful thinkings. Sad. But true. - May 23, 2011.