God's Perfect Time
I have been waiting for that moment for days. Ever since I missed my period on the 13th, I was already feeling anxious. The negative result of the home pregnancy test kit didn't lessen the anxiety a bit. I knew it wasn't assurance enough that my period was just delayed. My periods were always on time. I took another test after three days, still I got a negative result. I said I was gonna give it another shot just to be sure. So the other day, I took another one and there it was... A faint second line. Much like the one I got when I had Alee.
Deep in my heart I felt so sad. Sad because I am not yet ready (again) for this one. Before this, I always thought that our second child would be conceived after all our financial obligations have been paid, our own house built, and our own car bought. He would be made after we have planned out everything. Plus, there's the Veils & Beyond committment with our first ever client. I felt sad because I have to bear my son at this time when I have so many things to do, fulfill, achieve,make, and plan out.
When I conceived Alee, I pretty much had the same anxieties. But everyone around me were so happy and so supportive that all those fears just vanished and I learned to enjoy and love everything about having a baby. Oh yes there were so low and financial ly-drained moments, like that time we didn't even have a peso to buy laundry soap. Or that time when all I had in my wallet was P10.00 for fare. But never once did God not provide for what we need. When Nanay heard about me crying over the laundry soap, she bought a bag of it. When money ran out, something just happened and then we get to earn enough for what we need. So why worry now and risk NOah Cedric feeling unwanted right from the very start?.... When come to think of it, we are so much better now than we used to be.
Even if I gave it my best shot to be very careful, if this is God's perfect time to give us our second child, then it still would happen. Today's bible reflection focuses on Jeremiah 17:5-10 that says:
The Lord says, "I will condemn the person who turns away from me and puts his trust in man, in the strength of mortal man. He is like a bush in the desert, which grows in the dry wasteland, on salty ground where nothing else grows. Nothing good ever happens to him. But I will bless the person who puts his trust in me. He is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit. Who can understand the human heart? There is nothing else so deceitful; it is too sick to be healed. I, the Lord, search teh minds and test the hearts of men. I treat each one according to the way he lives, according to what he does."
Thank you Lord for putting me in this situation where I realized how great a PROVIDER you are to those who put their trust in you and you alone. I shall be like that tree near the stream, unafraid of the sun's heat during the summer, because my leaves shall stay green and I shall bear fruits even then. Forgive me for my frailties and my lack of faith. Help my unbelief and make me grow in you always so that I will be able to tell this precious gift you have given me (once again) how you have taken care of me (and all of us) at all times. You have always been my unrecognized refuge and strength. You are the wind beneath my wings. You are my light and my Saviour. You have rescued me too many times and in so many ways, yet why do I still sin? And why do you still love me all the more? Make me more like you so that I will be more fit to mother these little angels (Aleeza and Noah) you have sent our way.
This is God's perfect time and I welcome it in a whole new light. Thank you Beh for being the positive person that you are in my life. To my Nanay and Tatay and Papa who are very supportive of us despite our weaknesses and to our siblings, as well. Thank you to our LMS family. Your friendship is a friendship made in heaven. Life wouldn't be this sweet without you all.
To my little Aleeza who's going to be a big sister, having you has been memorable and sweet. You are a joy to our lives. You give us so much happiness. Daddy and I love you so dearly.
And to our little darling, Noah Cedric. You are precious, you are God's wonderful creation. I will love you more than I love myself. Forgive me for my doubts, I only want to give you a better life. Now I realize that I cannot do so alone even if I work hard and plan it like crazy. Only our God can truly provide you that. All I can ever do is love you and guide you to become the person that you were created for. I am counting the days. I will see you in 8 months, my son. - March 24, 2011
Deep in my heart I felt so sad. Sad because I am not yet ready (again) for this one. Before this, I always thought that our second child would be conceived after all our financial obligations have been paid, our own house built, and our own car bought. He would be made after we have planned out everything. Plus, there's the Veils & Beyond committment with our first ever client. I felt sad because I have to bear my son at this time when I have so many things to do, fulfill, achieve,make, and plan out.
When I conceived Alee, I pretty much had the same anxieties. But everyone around me were so happy and so supportive that all those fears just vanished and I learned to enjoy and love everything about having a baby. Oh yes there were so low and financial ly-drained moments, like that time we didn't even have a peso to buy laundry soap. Or that time when all I had in my wallet was P10.00 for fare. But never once did God not provide for what we need. When Nanay heard about me crying over the laundry soap, she bought a bag of it. When money ran out, something just happened and then we get to earn enough for what we need. So why worry now and risk NOah Cedric feeling unwanted right from the very start?.... When come to think of it, we are so much better now than we used to be.
Even if I gave it my best shot to be very careful, if this is God's perfect time to give us our second child, then it still would happen. Today's bible reflection focuses on Jeremiah 17:5-10 that says:
The Lord says, "I will condemn the person who turns away from me and puts his trust in man, in the strength of mortal man. He is like a bush in the desert, which grows in the dry wasteland, on salty ground where nothing else grows. Nothing good ever happens to him. But I will bless the person who puts his trust in me. He is like a tree growing near a stream and sending out roots to the water. It is not afraid when hot weather comes, because its leaves stay green; it has no worries when there is no rain; it keeps on bearing fruit. Who can understand the human heart? There is nothing else so deceitful; it is too sick to be healed. I, the Lord, search teh minds and test the hearts of men. I treat each one according to the way he lives, according to what he does."
Thank you Lord for putting me in this situation where I realized how great a PROVIDER you are to those who put their trust in you and you alone. I shall be like that tree near the stream, unafraid of the sun's heat during the summer, because my leaves shall stay green and I shall bear fruits even then. Forgive me for my frailties and my lack of faith. Help my unbelief and make me grow in you always so that I will be able to tell this precious gift you have given me (once again) how you have taken care of me (and all of us) at all times. You have always been my unrecognized refuge and strength. You are the wind beneath my wings. You are my light and my Saviour. You have rescued me too many times and in so many ways, yet why do I still sin? And why do you still love me all the more? Make me more like you so that I will be more fit to mother these little angels (Aleeza and Noah) you have sent our way.
This is God's perfect time and I welcome it in a whole new light. Thank you Beh for being the positive person that you are in my life. To my Nanay and Tatay and Papa who are very supportive of us despite our weaknesses and to our siblings, as well. Thank you to our LMS family. Your friendship is a friendship made in heaven. Life wouldn't be this sweet without you all.
To my little Aleeza who's going to be a big sister, having you has been memorable and sweet. You are a joy to our lives. You give us so much happiness. Daddy and I love you so dearly.
And to our little darling, Noah Cedric. You are precious, you are God's wonderful creation. I will love you more than I love myself. Forgive me for my doubts, I only want to give you a better life. Now I realize that I cannot do so alone even if I work hard and plan it like crazy. Only our God can truly provide you that. All I can ever do is love you and guide you to become the person that you were created for. I am counting the days. I will see you in 8 months, my son. - March 24, 2011
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