Imagining a Life without God
Today's lunch break topic shifted to Religion and God's existence. Although I remember Ms. Lace mentioned about Chris being an agnostic, I didn't really expect that he's a hard-core agnostic. But he is and I feel sad about it. He even let out a blasphemous statement and I felt like my heart was struck with a rod. I couldn't help blurting out something like, "I'll really pray for your soul." I realized now it was the worst thing to blurt out.
Chris believes that there is a God. It's just that he doesn't believe on any religion. But during the course of the discussion, I have this feeling that he doesn't really believe God exist. He is just trying to believe that He does. And I feel like crying. He is actually a foot away from being an atheist... yet he reads the bible...and he prays... like a true believer! Was he just faking his prayers during our forums?... Does he really have the faith that what he's asking for would be granted him? ...
Don't get me wrong. Chris is the nicest officemate I've ever met. He's the type who couldn't say no if you ask him for help. Ms. Lace even branded him a push-over... and I do agree. I think his goodness comes from the fact that he believes in doing good for others despite not expecting anything in return. He doesn't judge people... and I believe that alone would get him to heaven 50% more than I would if I won't stop judging people the way I do now. It's just so sad to know that for all the good things that he is doing and for all the good he can do for everyone, he doubts the existence of God.
I told him, maybe it's because he hasn't been to something so difficult and so hard that thinking about having no God at all, hurts so much you feel so hopeless. He said, I was just banking on my emotions. But isn't that part of what God is all about? Our only hope when hopelessness is everywhere. Many times I have been to difficult situations. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. Many times I have clinged to God and Him alone. And I believe that if it weren't for that faith, I wouldn't be alive right now.
I feel so helpless the wholetime because I seemed not to know the right thing to tell Chris how wonderful God is and how much he had given meaning to my life.... and his life too. If only He'd let him in.
But I respect his beliefs. I see my brother Aris in him (during our younger years)... It was the same thoughts. The same perspective. And yet, God worked His way into his life so amazingly. I know one day, it will also happen to Chris. I only hope it will be sooner.
Don't get me wrong. Chris is the nicest officemate I've ever met. He's the type who couldn't say no if you ask him for help. Ms. Lace even branded him a push-over... and I do agree. I think his goodness comes from the fact that he believes in doing good for others despite not expecting anything in return. He doesn't judge people... and I believe that alone would get him to heaven 50% more than I would if I won't stop judging people the way I do now. It's just so sad to know that for all the good things that he is doing and for all the good he can do for everyone, he doubts the existence of God.
I told him, maybe it's because he hasn't been to something so difficult and so hard that thinking about having no God at all, hurts so much you feel so hopeless. He said, I was just banking on my emotions. But isn't that part of what God is all about? Our only hope when hopelessness is everywhere. Many times I have been to difficult situations. Emotionally, physically, and mentally. Many times I have clinged to God and Him alone. And I believe that if it weren't for that faith, I wouldn't be alive right now.
I feel so helpless the wholetime because I seemed not to know the right thing to tell Chris how wonderful God is and how much he had given meaning to my life.... and his life too. If only He'd let him in.
But I respect his beliefs. I see my brother Aris in him (during our younger years)... It was the same thoughts. The same perspective. And yet, God worked His way into his life so amazingly. I know one day, it will also happen to Chris. I only hope it will be sooner.
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