The Filipino Today

By Alex Lacson

After the August 23 hostage drama, there is just too much negativity about and against the Filipino.

“It is difficult to be a Filipino these days”, says a friend who works in Hongkong. “Nakakahiya tayo”, “Only in the Philippines” were some of the comments lawyer Trixie Cruz-Angeles received in her Facebook. There is this email supposedly written by a Dutch married to a Filipina, with 2 kids, making a litany of the supposed stupidity or idiocy of Filipinos in general. There was also this statement by Fermi Wong, founder of Unison HongKong, where she said – “Filipino maids have a very low status in our city”. Then there is this article from a certain Daniel Wagner of Huffington Post, wherein he said he sees nothing good in our country’s future.

Clearly, the hostage crisis has spawned another crisis – a crisis of faith in the Filipino, one that exists in the minds of a significant number of Filipinos and some quarters in the world.

It is important for us Filipinos to take stock of ourselves as a people – of who we truly are as a people. It is important that we remind ourselves who the Filipino really is, before our young children believe all this negativity that they hear and read about the Filipino.

We have to protect and defend the Filipino in each one of us.

The August 23 hostage fiasco is now part of us as Filipinos, it being part now of our country’s and world’s history. But that is not all that there is to the Filipino. Yes, we accept it as a failure on our part, a disappointment to Hong Kong, China and to the whole world.

But there is so much more about the Filipino.

In 1945, at the end of World War II, Hitler and his Nazi had killed more than 6 million Jews in Europe. But in 1939, when the Jews and their families were fleeing Europe at a time when several countries refused to open their doors to them, our Philippines did the highly risky and the unlikely –thru President Manuel L Quezon, we opened our country’s doors and our nation’s heart to the fleeing and persecuted Jews. Eventually, some 1,200 Jews and their families made it to Manila. Last 21 June 2010, or 70 years later, the first ever monument honoring Quezon and the Filipino nation for this “open door policy” was inaugurated on Israeli soil, at the 65-hectare Holocaust Memorial Park in Rishon LeZion, Israel.

The Filipino heart is one of history’s biggest, one of the world’s rare jewels, and one of humanity’s greatest treasures.

In 2007, Baldomero M. Olivera, a Filipino, was chosen and awarded as the Scientist for the Year 2007 by Harvard University Foundation, for his work in neurotoxins which is produced by venomous cone snails commonly found in the tropical waters of Philippines. Olivera is a distinguished professor of biology at University of Utah, USA. The Scientist for the Year 2007 award was given to him in recognition to his outstanding contribution to science, particularly to molecular biology and groundbreaking work with conotoxins. The research conducted by Olivera’s group became the basis for the production of commercial drug called Prialt (generic name – Ziconotide), which is considered more effective than morphine and does not result in addiction.

The Filipino mind is one of the world’s best, one of humanity’s great assets.

The Filipino is capable of greatness, of making great sacrifices for the greater good of the least of our people. Josette Biyo is an example of this. Biyo has masteral and doctoral degress from one of the top universities in the Philippines – the De La Salle University (Taft, Manila) – where she used to teach rich college students and was paid well for it. But Dr Biyo left all that and all the glamour of Manila, and chose to teach in a far-away public school in a rural area in the province, receiving the salary of less than US$ 300 a month. When asked why she did that, she replied “but who will teach our children?” In recognition of the rarity of her kind, the world-famous Massachusetts Institute of Technology (MIT) in the United States honoured Dr Biyo a very rare honor – by naming a small and new-discovered planet in our galaxy as “Biyo”.

The Filipino is one of humanity’s best examples on the greatness of human spirit!

Efren Penaflorida was born to a father who worked as a tricycle driver and a mother who worked as laundrywoman. Through sheer determination and the help of other people, Penaflorida finished college. In 1997, Penaflorida and his friends formed a group that made pushcarts (kariton) and loaded them with books, pens, crayons, blackboard, clothes, jugs of water, and a Philippine flag. Then he and his group would go to the public cemetery, market and garbage dump sites in Cavite City – to teach street children with reading, math, basic literacy skills and values, to save them from illegal drugs and prevent them from joining gangs. Penaflorida and his group have been doing this for more than a decade. Last year, Penaflorida was chosen and awarded as CNN Hero for 2009.

Efren Penaflorida is one of the great human beings alive today. And he is a Filipino!

Nestor Suplico is yet another example of the Filipino’s nobility of spirit. Suplico was a taxi driver In New York. On 17 July 2004, Suplico drove 43 miles from New York City to Connecticut, USA to return the US$80,000 worth of jewelry (rare black pearls) to his passenger who forgot it at the back seat of his taxi. When his passenger offered to give him a reward, Suplico even refused the reward. He just asked to be reimbursed for his taxi fuel for his travel to Connecticut. At the time, Suplico was just earning $80 a day as a taxi driver. What do you call that? That’s honesty in its purest sense. That is decency most sublime. And it occurred in New York, the Big Apple City, where all kinds of snakes and sinners abound, and a place where – according to American novelist Sydney Sheldon – angels no longer descend. No wonder all New York newspapers called him “New York’s Most Honest Taxi Driver”. The New York City Government also held a ceremony to officially acknowledge his noble deed. The Philippine Senate passed a Resolution for giving honors to the Filipino people and our country.

In Singapore, Filipina Marites Perez-Galam, 33, a mother of four, found a wallet in a public toilet near the restaurant where she works as the head waitress containing 16,000 Singaporean dollars (US $11,000). Maritess immediately handed the wallet to the restaurant manager of Imperial Herbal restaurant where she worked located in Vivo City Mall. The manager in turn reported the lost money to the mall’s management. It took the Indonesian woman less than two hours to claim her lost wallet intended for her son’s ear surgery that she and her husband saved for the medical treatment. Maritess refused the reward offered by the grateful owner and said it was the right thing to do.

The Filipina, in features and physical beauty, is one of the world’s most beautiful creatures! Look at this list – Gemma Cruz became the first Filipina to win Miss International in 1964; Gloria Diaz won as Miss Universe in 1969; Aurora Pijuan won Miss International in 1970; Margie Moran won Miss Universe in 1973; Evangeline Pascual was 1st runner up in Miss World 1974; Melanie Marquez was Miss International in 1979; Ruffa Gutierrez was 2nd runner up in Miss World 1993; Charlene Gonzalez was Miss Universe finalist in 1994; Mirriam Quiambao was Miss Universe 1st runner up in 1999; and last week, Venus Raj was 4th runner up in Miss Universe pageant.

I can cite more great Filipinos like Ramon Magsaysay, Ninoy Aquino, Leah Salonga, Manny Pacquaio, Paeng Nepomuceno, Tony Meloto, Joey Velasco, Juan Luna and Jose Rizal. For truly, there are many more great Filipinos who define who we are as a people and as a nation – each one of them is part of each one of us, for they are Filipinos like us, for they are part of our history as a people.

What we see and hear of the Filipino today is not all that there is about the Filipino. I believe that the Filipino is higher and greater than all these that we see and hear about the Filipino. God has a beautiful story for us as a people. And the story that we see today is but a fleeting portion of that beautiful story that is yet to fully unfold before the eyes of our world.

So let’s rise as one people. Let’s pick up the pieces. Let’s ask for understanding and forgiveness for our failure. Let us also ask for space and time to correct our mistakes, so we can improve our system.

To all of you my fellow Filipinos, let’s keep on building the Filipino great and respectable in the eyes of our world – one story, two stories, three stories at a time – by your story, by my story, by your child’s story, by your story of excellence at work, by another Filipino’s honesty in dealing with others, by another Pinoy’s example of extreme sacrifice, by the faith in God we Filipinos are known for.

Every Filipino, wherever he or she maybe in the world today, is part of the solution. Each one of us is part of the answer. Every one of us is part of the hope we seek for our country. The Filipino will not become a world-class citizen unless we are able to build a world-class homeland in our Philippines.

We are a beautiful people. Let no one in the world take that beauty away from you. Let no one in the world take away that beauty away from any of your children! We just have to learn – very soon – to build a beautiful country for ourselves, with an honest and competent government in our midst.

Mga kababayan, after reading this, I ask you to do two things.

First, defend and protect the Filipino whenever you can, especially among your children. Fight all this negativity about the Filipino that is circulating in many parts of the world. Let us not allow this single incident define who the Filipino is, and who we are as a people. And second, demand for good leadership and good government from our leaders. Question both their actions and inaction; expose the follies of their policies and decisions. The only way we can perfect our system is by engaging it. The only way we can solve our problem, is by facing it, head on.

We are all builders of the beauty and greatness of the Filipino. We are the architects of our nation’s success.

To all the people of HK and China, especially the relatives of the victims, my family and I deeply mourn with the loss of your loved ones. Every life is precious. My family and I humbly ask for your understanding and forgiveness.

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BORACAY 2010

We got up early to catch the 6am ferry for Iloilo in the morning of August 8. Boarded the ferry and then slipped between sleep and chatter the whole ferryboat ride. Our rented van was already waiting for us at the Iloilo port when our boat finally docked. It was a white van with a driver named Russell.

Iloilo was in a downpour. We kept on praying for Mr. Sun to shine and God listened. As our van drove down the road leading to Caticlan, the sun started to peak through the clouds. When we stopped over for breakfast at some roadside eatery, the rain was no more than a drizzle.

We drifted to and fro sleep for the rest of the trip. I couldn't exactly remember how long it took us to reach Caticlan. All I could remember now was stopping over at a Mercury Drugstore to buy some paracetamol and bottled water and stopping over to buy rambutan along Antique's highway. It was a smooth ride and of course, happy ride.

When we finally arrived at the Tabon Port (our tour guide advised us to take the ferry at this port because the current was strong at the other side), we were greeted with the sight of tourists of different race and age. It was such an exciting sight. Already, we were feeling the boracay ambiance! We paid our fees/tickets at the small counter and then boarded the ferry for boracay.

Shirley, our tourist guide met as at the port of Tabon. She led us to St. Vincent's Cottages where we reserved our rooms. She gave us time to wash up before she led us to a resort where we will jump off for our water activities. As soon as we were registered, we were made to wear red life vests and made to ride on a banana boat that was tied behind a speed boat. The banana boat was just one of the many exciting water activities at Boracay waters. I thought I was gonna lose my voice because I screamed my heart out during the whole 20 or so minute ride! Grabe!

Charmine, Chingkee, Joclyn, and Eljoie tried out the Flying Fish ride. I get to ride it too, when Eljoie gave up his post after a few minutes of that exhilerating activity. Then, Charmine and Joclyn tried out parasailing. The rest of us rode on the speed boat. We had a good time picture taking and just fooling around the whole time the couple were up on air.

Late in the afternoon, we decided to take a look at Boracay's magnificent shoreline. Some of us took a dip in the waters and felt the waves crashing on our bodies. But most of our time was spent taking pictures and posing for the cameras... particularly, Eljoie's major major camera! hahaha...

After getting the hang of it all, we went back to the cottage, changed our outfits (nga gipanukaran jud ug taman taman ni bechilin!) and headed again to the shore where the restaurants are. We had quite a difficult time choosing where to eat. Some finally decided to eat at an eat all you can resto that offered mostly meat menu. Chingkee, Weng, and I decided to eat at an open resto (eat all you can too) that offered mostly seafood menu like shrimps and clams. It was such a good eat for the three of us. We were sooo full... The food wasn't particularly delicious but it was a complete variety from the ones we had had for the last couple of days. The rest of the evening was spent going over boutiques and shops at Boracay's "d Mall".

The following morning, we prepared for our Island Hopping Adventure. We had topsi-breakfast at a neat resto before meeting Shirley at around 10am. We rode a tricycle to a dock full of boats. We boarded one and off we sailed to another side of Boracay. We passed by an island they call Crocodile Island because its surface looked like a crocodile's back (full of spikes and really looked very rough and rugged). We also passed by a magnificent structure that was the Monacco Condominium Units. Our boat stopped at one spot and we went snorkling. It was quite difficult to go snorkling with the life vest on so I took mine off . Eljoie told me to put it back on. I couldn't blame him. He's a safety engineer, after all. hehehe... We didn't stay very long because the current was strong and we were afraid it would take us away from the boat.

Our next stop was the Crystal Cove. A government owned and developed island. It was there where we spent most of our time. We also had lunch at one of the cottages. We explored the island and took lots of photos. Lunch was superb! Shrimp,grilled pork, fruits,and grilled fish. Yum! Yum! Yum!

After our island hopping, Shirley took us to the Reefwalking Station. There everyone, except me took the reefwalk. They had such a great time (judging from the video)... Maybe I'd try it out next time, with Boboy around. I got cold feet when the instructor told us during the orientation that we should expect pressure to hurt our ears but all we had to do was to equalize. I remembered feeling that pressure inside the plane during our flight two days back. It left me feeling panicky deep inside so I decided to just let it go and not join the team. I don't regret not being able to go with them. I had a great time checking out Eljoie's DSLR the whole time they were underwater! haha

The reefwalk ended our Boracay adventure. I feel that we should have spent another day to explore the island some more. But then again, I am also grateful because we would have enough reason to go back in the not-so-distant future.

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Iloilo and Bacolod Travelogue

It had been one of those LMS trips except that the original cast wasn't complete. Nevertheless, it was just as fun because additional characters were added in the person of Eljoie,Charmine,Joclyn and Chengkai.

We've marked August 6-10, 2010 in our calendars as early as March. We've booked our flights, made our reservations and looked forward to that once-just-a-dream trip to boracay. Moreso, we would be visiting Iloilo and Bacolod too.

So on August 5, we trooped to Davao City and was treated to a night of pizza dining by our Korean Friends (thanks jazz for the monicker) Steve,Jepoy, Jackie, and Joan. It was a burp-night at K1 plus a free ride to the NFA Dormitory where we spent what was left of the night.

As always, we just slept about a couple of hours before the alarm clock (bechay) sounded. It was time to wash up and get to the airport. At the airport we met Charmine and Joclyn. Cameras started to flash away as we took our breakfast at one of the airport cafes.

Landed at Iloilo airport at around 7am and were enthralled by "bullet" jeeps (thank you chingkee)... we've never seen anything as long as those jeepneys that plied the outskirts and highways of iloilo. they were long enough that it would take awhile before it'd fade away from one's sight even if they'd be running more than a hundred miles per hour. that was how long they were! amazing! we really had a good time remarking on that unfamiliarity.

The van we rode on dropped us off at the SM Traveler's Lounge. It was a good thing that the ATM was inside that lounge. We got to buy promo tickets for Bacolod. We got our going-back tickets for free. Not such a bad deal for a budget trip,right? Anyway, we had to wait around two hours for the mall to open. It was raining quite hard and we were thankful to the hopia and piyaya from Biscocho Hauz. We just ate the time away. Thanks for the treat chingkee.

We had lunch at Sbarro (yummy!). But not after we amused the guard near the cinema with our picture-taking session! Headed off to the port bound for Bacolod around 2pm, i think. Adrian worked on his Public Relations skills and got us a free van ride and 3 huge boxes of ensaymada from his former supervisor.


Charmine's rich tita fetched us at the Bacolod Port and dropped us off at the BAcolod Pensionne Plaza. There, Chingkee's surprise welcome gift bombarded us and sent the whole front desk in chaos (that's exaggeration of course!). It turned out that her chatmate in Taiwan (who's from bacolod) called up the hotel and arranged for flowers and chocolates as her welcome present. So sweet! We ended up having pictorials for that chocolates and flowers inside our hotel room.

After having barbecue for dinner, Charmine and I, with Joclyn went to Mariam's party where we had chocolate cake and spaghetti, and of course, meet up with old high school classmates, neneng, joyce, and yam. WE left the others to fend for themselves. We just met up with them after an hour. We all ended up at a videoke bar where we sang our hearts out!

Going back to the hotel was the most exciting part. We walked and what a walk indeed! I think that the last time I walked that far was during our SAgada Caving Day. We didn't notice how long it took us to walk but we did notice how stinky Bacolod's streets were. The plaza smelled like Gensan's market during nightime, when all the garbage were about to be collected. That was the same smell. And we noticed that male locals just pee anywhere. It wasn't a very good impression. It was about midnight when we finally arrived at the hotel.

The following morning, we checked out and transferred our things to Charmine's Aunt's house. Then we droved off to SM City BAcolod to meet Eljoie. We had lunch at Max's. Thanks Elj. It was another burp-day! Then, Eljoie, Joclyn, Charmine, and I headed off to Charmine's Aunt's house to prepare for Yam's Wedding while the others were left to shop the day away.

Yam's wedding was a blast! We also got to visit The Ruins. It was a historical mansion which was set on fire by filipinos to prevent the japanese from occupying it during WW2. It was a good location for the coolest photo shoot ever! (feeling model!).


We caught up with the others at around 10pm. Despite being full at the wedding dinner, the partying/dancing left us hungry so we ordered chicken barbecue and ate like we've not eaten the whole night. (lol)... We decided to go videok-eing again. The bar was just across the street,anyway. We had such much fun. Well, until pay-time arrives. haha! Just imagine everyone having quite a longer than necessary time to pull out money for the "amot"... But when Joclyn offered to pay the bill, the money on the table disappeared like magic. Mao na tong ginatawag nga kung magbayad, pina-luya.Kung libre, pina-abtik! hahaha!

The following morning, we set off for BORACAY!

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Tuesday

It's tuesday. August 31, 2010. Got inside the office at 7:43am. Very early for a latecomer like me. There's nobody in yet. The Regional office is like a ghost town. AT 2:34am, Boboy left for davao. It had been one of those moments when he would be at home the day before and then leave for work at dawn the following day. I don't know when this routine would end. I don't know when my prayer and wish would be granted. I just hope it would be soon enough.

This is one of those times when I wish I am rich enough to support our family. Rich enough for both of us not to work far away from each other. *sigh.

I have to get to work. *agh!

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On Motherhood: Self Sacrifice

If God should give me a son, I will name him Noah. For I envision him to be one who will make God smile. One who will be a pleasure to the Lord… just like the biblical Noah.

I often hear people laugh each time I tell them,” I’m gonna have a son after my daughter Alee, and I’m gonna name him Noah, for he will be a source of God’s joy.” Most people think it’s unthinkable because Alee is barely a year old and how can I be sure God will give me a son after her? What if He will give my husband and me another daughter? Some marvel at the thought of having a name for an unborn son. Some though, think it’s simply ridiculous to have a name for a child yet to be conceived. I often think of the same thing. It’s crazy, right. But I wouldn’t have it any other way. Deep in my heart, I know God will give me Noah in His own perfect time. Soon.

But at this point in my life, aside from focusing on Alee, I feel and hear God telling me that before He brings Noah into the scene, I should learn how to make Him smile myself. For how can I mold Noah into that person who would win God’s favor if I myself were a complete failure?

To have better children, we have to be better mothers. To have the best children, we have to be the best of mothers. Children are who they are because of the people around them. If there be one person who could influence them, who could touch them, who could create that one big impact in there lives, it has to be their mothers. As early as the first beating of a child’s heart inside his mother’s womb, the mother’s attitude towards the life she bears can already make or unmake it.

Over the years, even before I became a mother myself, I often hear Nanay’s friends complain about how their children disappoint them. How they wish they were different. How they wish they were like somebody else’s child. And how they have gone through difficult times and how much they have given for their children’s sake and yet they did not get what they wanted to reap. And always, Nanay’s response would be, “You haven’t given enough… nor have you gone through difficult times enough.” She couldn’t have said it any better. If they wanted their children to change, they should have started the change within themselves.

When my siblings and I were growing up, we had to follow many household rules. Some of them were, to wake up at 6am, make the bed and do our assigned household chores, be inside our house on or before 6pm, and wash up and change into nightclothes before going to bed. We also had to pray the Novena during All Souls’ Day with Nanay. Although we were annoyed to follow these rules, young as we were, we followed them to the dot because Nanay followed them herself. She wakes up before 6am, makes up their bed, washes the laundry, cleans the yard, and washes the plates. Whenever she goes out to visit friends and relatives, she was always home before 6pm. She never failed to pray the novena too. Nanay not only gave us her time, efforts, strength. She also gave us her examples. These examples made us who we are today and I believe that was her strength as a mother. To lead and mold by her examples. By living her teachings. By giving her self to all of us --- Tatay included.

With motherhood, giving is limitless. I guess that is why it is said that motherhood is the most noble of all vocation because it is all about self-sacrifice. It is all about giving----- even if you’ve ran out of yourself.

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One Crazy-but-Worth-thinking-about Thought 08.19.2010

Last night, we did a short necrological service for one of our retirees who died of cancer. As I stared at the slideshow presentation and listened to its background music, I thought about the certainty of death and the uncertainty of when it would befall on everyone in that hall. I humorously told an officemate who was sitting beside me that one should collect a lot of photos so that there would be enough to show during one’s wake. She laughed at that and replied about picking out the most beautiful and sexy shots and making sure those would be the ones shown during the funeral. We both had a good laugh but that left me thinking seriously about that day when I’d be in a coffin.

The idea of dying is undeniably unspeakable. I have this belief that one shouldn’t talk about something that you wouldn’t want to happen, so the topic of death is an absolute no-no in our household. I don’t have the courage to think about it just yet. So, I really don’t understand why I had this crazy notion of coming up with my own necrological service program for myself. Plus a list of people I’d like to speak about my life and me, and the songs that I’d want played over the whole program. It’s crazy. But why not? Isn’t it that we should leave rooms for serendipity in our lives? After all, as one speaker said, the world is full of things nobody has ever dreamt about.

So if I’d have my way, I’d like my necrological service program to start with an audio visual presentation of me. Something like what Sandy made for my wedding. Of course, she should make it too. She’s my bestfriend so she should know how I want it to be. The background music should be lively. Some songs from my all time favorite Korean Teleserye, Full House will do. Then an opening prayer follows. That should be sung. Maybe Aris could sing that for me. The testimonials would take some time, I think. I’d like Bingo to start it. My dear mentor and friend. He’d make a good speaker of my professional life. I know he’d do it with humor and ease, so that should make everyone feel less sad and a whole lot happier. Ate Shei better make sure she’ll prepare even a half sheet talk on me. If she won’t, I’d make sure she wouldn’t sleep for at least a day or two. Hahaha.

I look forward to what Cris and Ms. Lace have to say about me after all the luncheon meetings we’ve had. It would be exciting to know what they really think of my stories and opinions. Atty. Elvie would make a great speaker during this time. I’m curious about how she would induce humor in her “about-me” speech without sounding unsympathetic. She’s such a pro. Sir Ichie wouldn’t agree but I must demand he speaks. After all, who knows me better than anyone else if we talk about DBP. He should come, no matter where the world would take him. Harharhar.

My dearest and still my favorite teacher, Ms. Nore would talk about me being a student. She’d probably say I’m the most kindred of spirit for all the childish things I did during 5th grade just to make her, our adviser, happy. But I hope she’d talk about how much she misses Queen’s company and mine because I truly do miss hers too.

I’d be very happy to hear what Joanne has to say about being her classmate since kindergarten and why she always has something for me during Christmas despite not being reciprocated over the last decade we’ve been friends. Eljoie’s speech would surely be long and full of wonderful memories of sleepless nights making our yearbook and how difficult and yet how rewarding it was to go through school without having much to spend for what’s necessary.
The LMS would talk about our college years and our trips too. I know they’d talk about our most awkward and funny moments together and I know too that those would be spoken in between tears and laughter. I might just be smiling--- and crying from my coffin. I would miss them all so terribly.

Chingkee would surely reminisce the very first time she met me. I didn’t really make a very good first impression to her. But she’d most certainly say I ain’t who meets the eye. Hahaha…. April Ann should make sure she wouldn’t miss her part. She’ll most probably spill some of our naughty chitchats, but not quite enough, I hope. Just so there’ll be rooms left for the audiences’ imaginations.

The kittie boys should be there too, and speak out a couple or so of sentences about me. I’d like Bryan to speak in their behalf. He’s by far my most favorite among them. Probably because he’s the least transparent about his exploits, if you know what I mean ((laughing out loud).

I would like to hear what Ate Belle has to say of me as her sister-in-law. I hope she wouldn’t mention anything about my financial mishap. Haha! Papa might say a thing or two. But I doubt he would. I didn’t hear him speak during Mama’s funeral.

My most loved cousin Queenie would have to say her part no matter how hoarse she maybe from crying over her loss. I guess nobody knows me the way she does. I have always been amazed at how good she remembers things, events, and people from our childhood. She’ll have much to say about our growing up years and I could just imagine my soul grinning down at her as she starts trudging down memory lane with her speech.

My brothers and sister would also have to speak. They’d be crying but I would love to hear what they have to say about me as their big sister. For all my imperfections as the eldest, I know deep in their hearts they have great things to say about me. Nanay and Tatay would have to be the most hurt amongst the crowd. I dare not say I look forward to hearing them speak. I might just die again for crying damn hard.

I hope Boboy would speak though, but only if he feels up to it. I really don’t think I could stand hearing him say why I had to go ahead. That would leave me feeling guilty and being unfair. I hope he’d have much to say about how good I was at being a wife to him and mother to our kids. And then, my beloved princess, Alee and my darling Noah. I hope they’d have much to say about how good I am at being their mom. Of how they’re going to miss me.

I couldn’t help but smile at this. This is by far the craziest thing I’ve ever written in my entire 30 years. On second thought, at least now, I can truly say that, although the thought of dying could still send shivers through my spine, I have more or less accepted the fact that sooner or later that’d be me inside the coffin. That’d be me being given the last tribute. On that day, the saddest person would be me. For I’ll be missing all these people who’d made life so livable and wonderful despite the hardships and uncertainties. Kaya Lord, please, let me live another 50 years. Please. ;p

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tithing...

For 2010, my new year’s resolution is to practice tithing. I told myself that I should give back to God 10% of whatever income I will earn. And I mean gross income. When I received a P10K honorarium for being BAC Secretariat last month, I was successful with my resolve. I was able to offer P1,000 to church one Sunday. And I was just too confident that it wouldn’t be hard to do it again. Ever heard of the saying, the first time is always the hardest?… It wasn’t very true for me. Though there was the tiniest bit of uncertainty in my heart, my resolve weighed heavier.

Today, I finally receive my first ever salary with DBP as a regular employee. The total salary amounted to P22K plus and I am overwhelmed. I waited for this for more than a month. The bills I need to pay are piling up faster than ever. As I was going over my list of bills to pay, I came across the word TITHE. Ten percent wasn’t it? That would mean around P2K. Summing up everything, I realized that there would be nothing left for my planned trip to Davao this weekend. I was planning to surprise Boboy with a movie treat and a modest dinner for V-day. But that would be just wishful thinking for now. I must admit that I am tempted to just keep the money allocated for my tithe and go on with my Davao trip. God would understand. But every time I think about doing it, I feel this heaviness in my heart. Huh! So much for thinking that the second time would be peanuts! I guess that it would be so easy to do tithing if you have more than enough. But having not quite enough ( I think!) for your needs is a different story.

Too much realization is dawning on me right now by just thinking about not having enough and yet, sticking to my resolve of tithing:

1. It is my biblical duty to tithe. God is expecting me to be just like the widow in the gospel who gave everything that she had for the church and in the process relied on His infinite goodness and divine providence. In short, trusting God her life. I now realize that tithing is more than just giving back to God what He has given you. It is the greatest way of showing God that you trust Him. That you believe He is for real. That He will take care of everything for you.

2. The will to tithe is not rooted from one’s inner self. It is a grace from God himself. I find it so difficult to forego with the thought of dropping out of my resolve and just spend my earnings on the things that my family need so I prayed, Lord, give me the grace to accomplish what you have instructed me to do. For without your grace, I find myself succumbing to temptations.

3. Contentment comes from knowing and believing that God will provide for everything even if all the circumstances/situations around you dictate otherwise. I could not exactly explain the thought that came to me when I first practiced tithing (that P1000 from the BAC honorarium). When I set that amount for my tithe, I knew that I have other needs waiting to be satisfied. But instead of being uncertain about tithing, what came to my mind was the thought that, that’s all for now. Those other needs will just have to wait for the next round of blessings. And surprisingly, I felt this deep feeling of fulfillment and satisfaction. Contentment at its best, I must say. So I realized that if only we believe that God will provide for our needs, we could be sure that contentment is not at all hard to come by. Most people would find this ridiculous. After all, the world made us believe that we must never be contented of what we have or we won’t have more. Now, I know, it is only us who made life really complicated… who made contentment so hard to grasp. For all we know, contentment is just around the corner.

I am not saying that with all these realizations, the practice of tithing will now be easy for me. I still believe that there will be times when it will become more difficult, but I am praying that God will give me the strength and grace to hold on to His promise of never ending providence and love. I am praying that He will see me through this biblical duty called TITHING.

So help me God.

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